king:

u know that thing where an animals grow in a far off place and some idiot introduces him to a new habitat and it turns out its characteristics that help them in their own sometimes are too helpful in the new one and they become like an invasive species yeah thats the word i was missing anyway back to my point i think i saw a human version of that just now i was driving in tonights snow storm and i saw a man wearing a big ass cowboy hat to keep the snow off him and a bandit red bandana to keep it off his face and a big ass pancho to keep him warm and nice ass cowboy boots to keep his calves dry and he was prancing along while everyone on the road looked miserable and frozen solid and idk i guess the point im trying to make here is i feel like cowboys would have taken over russia if given the chance or something

(via thegirlofmanythings)

jimperbam:

thementalconfetti:

lesbianshepard:

lesbianshepard:

there’s an educational trivia game at the citadel on the exhibits on different planets called “Dog or Not?” that shows pictures of various four legged mammals and asks if they’re a breed of dog.

it was mainly for kids to learn about the diversity of earth’s flora and fauna but it became popular with adult aliens too and had to be shut down after almost causing no less than three diplomatic incidents.

they brought it to the nexus and it’s caused two more so far

“That’s definitely a dog.” “Incorrect. This is actually an animal called a ‘raccoon’” “What? No! It’s got the ears and the tail!”

“Okay, okay, I got this. That’s not a dog. It’s way too big it’s uhhh I think humans call them bears.” “Incorrect. This is a dog breed called a ‘newfoundland’” 

And when it becomes such a cultural obsession that they run tournaments and the final rounds are displayed live on the worldswide hologram system …

Somewhat cocky contestant (who heckles the others for wrong answers) looks at the hologram on display: “I’ve read up on a lot of Earth animals, even visited the Earth zoo, so you can’t fool me.  It’s a picture on a farm so that’s the first clue.  It’s white, fluffy, got a sloping forehead and no distinct… muzzle.. if I do remember the term correctly.  It’s most definitely a sheep.”  

Trivia host (attempting to hide their joy at finally being able to tell the contestant they’re wrong):  “I’m sorry, that is a dog called a Bedlington Terrier.  It is actually bred to look like a sheep, but notice the lack of keratinized tissue coverings on the extremities that make contact with the ground.  You missed quite an obvious difference there.”  (after the contestant stutters a bit and protests about dogs made specifically to look like not-dogs) “Let’s take it to the judges then” (after consulting small podium-top hologram of judging panel, now grinning and dripping with sarcasm) “Awwww…unfortunately it is a dog and rules of the game do not allow us to award partial credit… toooooo baaaaaad” (super cheerfully) “aaand… next image please!” 

Shepard loves “Dog or Not?”. The human crew never misses a tournament airing. They get it on a vid screen in the mess hall and all crowd around. Some people bring blankets and pillows. Some make snacks to share. Eventually it becomes like a Superbowl party.

Dog or Not becomes a sort of inside joke on the Normandy, one that the non-human crew members still kind of get - they’re always invited to the viewing parties and sometimes sit in - but don’t really understand. Tali especially doesn’t understand when a snickering Shepard elbows her and, pointing to a varren being taken for a walk, asks, “Hey, Tali - dog or not?”

“That’s…that’s a varren, Shepard,” Tali responds, bemused. “You know what a varren is.”

Shepard is still giggling, and Kaidan, who heard the exchange, joins in.

-

Liara, Ashley, and Shepard go to recover the lost data drive at Admiral Hackett’s request. They eventually find themselves surrounded by the strange monkey-looking organisms.

With a straight face, Ashley comments, “Wow, sure are a lot of dogs on this planet.”

Shepard doubles over. Liara isn’t sure whether or not to laugh. She’s watched “Dog or Not?” before, so she knows these creatures aren’t dogs…right?

-

Garrus accidentally joins in on the fun after they discover a new species on a fog-covered planet. They’re bright red, they have carapaces, and they breathe fire. The team is examining one’s corpse when Garrus asks hesitantly, “So…is that a dog?”

Shepard’s head whips up and they stare at him for a full five seconds before breaking down. Garrus has to half-carry a wheezing, crying Shepard back to the shuttle. Jack’s eyelashes are wet from her own mirth.

-

They’re driving full speed over the scorching desert of Tuchanka. They’ve just called Kalros, the mother of all thresher maws, to deal with the Reaper destroyer in their way. All faces are pressed to the windows to see the fight.

Kalros bursts from the sands with an unearthly screech and tackles the Reaper. The two grapple in the sands, both representing the might of organic and synthetic, respectively.

“Garrus,” Shepard says in a low, awed voice.

Garrus has been around Shepard for too long not to know when they’re about to make a joke. “Shepard, I swear on all the spirits of Palaven - “

“That’s the biggest dog I’ve ever seen.”

Garrus quietly regrets all his choices that led him to this moment, then sighs. “Which one?” he returns.

(via neat-space)

I started this blog on a whim and I’m so pleased with how well some of my writings have been received. I am however a student and I have a job so I have very little time to write when I can. Just wanted to say a thank you for all the nice comments and for all the positivity in this tag/community!

mistermustachiogmc:

spacehumans-inspace:

Humans are ADAPTABLE. As FUCK. Just because something happens to a limb, or part of the body, or a sense, it doesn’t actually mean anything. Loose a limb? Put a new one on. Broken bone split open the skin? Pop it back into place and stitch it up. Paralyzed/physically incapacitated? Wheelchair. Heart problems? Here’s a new one. Or, even better, a ROBOT one. Blind? Well, who’s to say we don’t just outright develop echolocation? Humans are are amazing at adapting to situations that would totally ruin or kill any amount of other species.

Our adaptability and ingenuity in the application of tools and aides set us apart from other alien species, because who else, apart from stubborn, mad geniuses, would think ‘right, something’s broken beyond all repair? Or even gone completely? We can sort that out.’

“Right. So, you’re telling me, that you lost BOTH of your legs in war, and instead of dying because you’ve lost half your body, you just… stuck new ones on?”

“Basically, yeah. They’re bio-mechanical and detachable. Wanna see?”

“Wait, you’re paralyzed from the waist down? But surely that’s enough of an excuse to… stop working? Rest? You’re stuck in that wheeled contraption! Isn’t that horrendously awkward and tiring?”

“Stuck? Dude, if I didn’t have a wheelchair, THEN I’d be stuck. It can be awkward, sure, when places don’t have ramps and wide enough doors and stuff, but apart from that, the chair lets me… be free again. It allows me to move and be a contributing human being again. Just, y’know. I’ve got wheels instead of legs.”

“You’re blind? Wait, if you can’t see, then why are you on this ship? Our visually impaired never pass even the first level of clearance.”

“Well, I’m hardly a navigator, am I? I’m a translator, I don’t need to see. I can speak five earth languages and seven alien languages, and I can get around perfectly fine, thank you very much. Besides, that’s why I’ve got my cane.”

“But… you can’t see? How can you read?”

“Braille, mate. Besides, nobody writes anymore. It’s all audio or that brain transmission telepathy shit anyway.”

“Your crewmate appears to act differently to most other humans I’ve encountered?”

“Oh, Alec? He’s lovely. He’s got this thing called Aspergers, and whilst there’s nothing technically wrong with him, it just means he… he processes things differently to someone without it. He doesn’t understand jokes or sarcasm or anything, but he’s really kind, and has an amazing green thumb. He tends to the onboard gardens.”

Right, so I’ve tried to make a little bit of disability positivity in this little drabble here. If anything I’ve written here upsets anyone, or appears as incorrect, I apologize sincerely!

As a person with Aspergers, I can say that I have a perfectly fine sense of humor. It just impairs our processing of situations, which can make us a little socially awkward at times.

I was mostly going off my experience of aspergers personally, with a classmate of mine - lovely guy, wonderful artist (that’s my degree) but does have trouble with processing humour and sarcasm and the like. I didn’t mean anything negative in any way!

fairyofprocrastination:

spacehumans-inspace:

Let’s worldbuild!

Hey fellas, I’m feeling creative. Imagine - alien planets, in all their glory. Let’s throw a bunch of ideas together and create some worlds!

I’ll start.

The landscape was massive. You stand atop the mountain, a sheer drop right at your toes, with miles upon miles of glittering blue stone spread out under you like an ocean.

In the far distance, spirals of stacked stones reached up into the sky, a monument to the ancient civilisations that lived on this planet.

Three moons were now rising in the sky, glimmering a deep red in the milky purple of the sky. Shadows loomed across the horizon, light bounced off the sheer, glass like planes of stone. The river flowed through the stone as far as you could see; gentle, blue as the stone around it.

You crouch and lean over the cliff, your hand gripping on the surprisingly smooth as you look down, down, and you noticed something moving. Though it must’ve been huge, it looked as big as an ant from where you kneeled. You felt… apprehensive about it. No, that was a lie. You EXPECTED something to jump out at you and hunt you down like a wolf or a puma. You knew you were only being paranoid, after all, you had been told time and time again that the fauna here where not hostile. That didn’t stop you from backing away from the edge. The ethereal glow of the moons were putting you on edge as well. It was too open, too peaceful for comfort. It was actually supposed to be quiet, at least, according to the guide. Yet, the silence set every one of your nerves on end. You started to head back to the main ship. You didn’t care that you were searching for fossils anymore. THAT can wait till the morning.(Me:I'mma practice world building! Brain:No! Your gonna end up characterizing the mc! Me: Why are you like this!)

It felt as if something was creeping, sneaking up behind you. But everywhere you looked, nothing but stretches of rock.

Perhaps it was the monolithic pillars of stone that towered in the distance like watchful guardians. Or perhaps it was the sheer drop of the cliff you were retreating from, with something peering over at you but hiding every time you turned.

As you approached the large, smooth shape of your craft, you spot something that hasn’t been there before. Or at least, you didn’t think it had.

An opening in one of the tall pillars that stood mere meters from your craft. Almost like a cave, but carved impossibly perfectly out of the smooth rocks that made up the pillars surface.

Despite the screaming warning in the back of your mind, you prepare yourself and start waking towards the cave entrance.

(via fairyofprocrastination)

Why do we love dogs so much. I mean, more so than other creatures. I saw a shiba inu today so of course I had to tell everyone I know. Why is that?

I spent a good hour googling pictures of puppies in bow ties. Again, why is that?

I’m so excited to meet my friends new puppy, more so than my other friends new baby. Why???

Hey fellas, I’m feeling creative. Imagine - alien planets, in all their glory. Let’s throw a bunch of ideas together and create some worlds!

I’ll start.

The landscape was massive. You stand atop the mountain, a sheer drop right at your toes, with miles upon miles of glittering blue stone spread out under you like an ocean.

In the far distance, spirals of stacked stones reached up into the sky, a monument to the ancient civilisations that lived on this planet.

Three moons were now rising in the sky, glimmering a deep red in the milky purple of the sky. Shadows loomed across the horizon, light bounced off the sheer, glass like planes of stone. The river flowed through the stone as far as you could see; gentle, blue as the stone around it.

Warning, this is a little NSFW. Thanks to @transformars for the idea.

“Human-Kyla… what is this?” Kyla turned, to see her Tchaan counterpart, Jruyan, holding a long, purple, plastic object.

“JRU- Put that down! Where did you find that?!” Kyla snatched the object out of Jruyan’s long-clawed hand.

“It was in your bedside drawer, Human-Kyla. I looked in there to see if we couldn’t find the documents we’re after.”

“You don’t… oh good lord.” Jruyan observed that Kyla had turned an extremely worrying shade of red, all over the face. Desperately, xe tried to remember what human’s colours meant, but kept drawing a blank.

“Human-Kyla, I apologize if I have caused… offense?” Jruyan prodded carefully, trying to figure out what xe’d done wrong. “Was I not supposed to look in those drawers? You asked me to help find your documents-”

“I wasn’t… I forgot… whew, okay,” Kyla waved her hands around in front of her face, flapping them around as if they were wings. In that moment Jruyan remembered what red-faced meant - a rush of blood, causing the human’s face to become hot. This was an indicator of either anger, or embarrassment, and considering Jruyan hadn’t been attacked yet, xe assumed it was the latter.

“Human-Kyla, are you embarrased? I assure you, there is not need to-”

“No, look,” Kyla cut xem off. “This… item, you found. It’s… a very, VERY private thing. Humans keep them hidden, and… well… we don’t… we don’t talk about it. Well, not usually. So.. yeah, forget embarrassed, I’m fucking… I’m mortified. That you found it, I mean. Let’s not… uh, let’s not talk about it, okay? It’s a secret. If ANYONE found out, any one at all, that’d be it.”

“But… Human-Kyla, what IS it?” Kyla sighed, running her hands through her hair.

“Okay, I guess there’s no harm in… I don’t know if your species has an equivalent but… it’s called… oh jesus.” Kyla looked as if she were about to cry. “It… uh, it’s a dildo.”

“I’m sorry, Human-Kyla, the translator gave me a very odd phrase in return to your item… it said… human-plastic-penis?”

“Yeah. That’s about right.”

“…What?”

Kyla laughed nervously, her hands flying all around her hair now, mussing it up completely. She sat down on the edge of her bed and clasped her hands under her chin, musing over an answer.

“It’s… a… well, so, you know how humans reproduce, right?”

“Yes.”

“And… are you aware that, as well as for reproduction reasons, humans have… intercourse… for pleasure as well?”

“I am aware, yes.”

“Well… sometimes, when a human doesn’t have a sexual partner, they still desire… yknow, pleasure. So… we invent ways of… doing it to ourselves.”

“Wait…” Jruyan held up a claw, in the manner humans did when they wanted to interject themselves into conversation. “So, you’re telling me, instead of going to mate with another human for pleasure, you just… do it yourself?”

“Yep.”

“But there’s at sixteen human males and fourteen human females on this ship, Human-Kyla. Surely you could not just mate with one of them?”

“Ew, no!” Kyla exclaimed. “You don’t sleep with your co workers! Well, some people do, but what if it got awkward? I don’t want to compromise my job. Plus, I can’t just ASK. That’d be weird!”

“Do all humans do it?” Kyla shrugged.

“I guess. Like I said, we don’t discuss it.”

The silence between the Human and the Tchaan crewmates grew longer, until Kyla bustled up and hurried Jruyan out of the room, thanking xem for helping but assuring she could find the documents herself.

Jruyan just left very confused, and feeling slightly - as the humans might put it -dirty.

Yes food. What are your fab stress foods?

Anything filled with carbs and covered in crispy cheese. mac and cheese, pizza, toasties, you name it. Also, crisps. I could eat a truckload of those little fuckers.

One of my friends in my uni seems to be developing a habit for throwing snickers at me whenever I start getting antsy. That works, too